TV

The Wilkins Minute

During the 52nd Annual Logie Awards, there was a segment before some of the ad breaks called “Myer Logies Minute”. These segments were hosted by Richard “Wilde” Wilkins, and Natalie Gruzlewski. These segments were little fillers to talk about how the Logies were going that night, plus having a chat to a few winners and guests, plus to do the ‘best dressed’ woman on the night. To the regular Australian audience, our attention spans for the Logies every year diminishes quicker than former PM John Howard’s hairline.

The twitterverse ran amuck when the first segment of the “Myer Logies Minute” went over the minute mark. The cause for the terrible timing out was blamed on Wilkins himself. I’m not a mathematician (I failed maths), but let me break it down:

One (1) minute = Sixty (60) seconds

There were four segments throughout the night. Each segment was timed from when Wilkins first opens his mouth.

The first segment was talking about how the room and stage was set up, shown using a time lapse camera. A perfect example on what they should have used on this segment. After the cut-away, Gabriella Cilmi, who opened the night with her current single, had a chat.

Segment One length = 2 minutes and 3 seconds. 2:03

Segment two involved a chat with the guys from The Footy Show (NRL). This felt like it was padding out, just to promote the client.

Segment Two length = 2 minutes and 51 seconds. 2:51

Segment three, for some unknown reason, didn’t feature Wilkins at all, but Natalie and Jennifer Hawkins talking about dresses and appearances. This segment isn’t included in the tally. However, I must point out that minus Wilkins, the segment ran shorter out of all four. The country paid attention because a) Wilkins wasn’t there b) Jennifer was in a figure-hugging pink dress.

Segment Three length  = 1 minute and 34 seconds. 1:34

Segment four was a wrap-up, which Wilkins announced quite early in the segment, was a with a chat with Matt Preston and all his fancy new Logies that he’ll put up on his mantlepiece. I must note that MasterChef beat the Logies in the ratings… eeep!

Segment Four length = 2 minutes and 48 seconds. 2:48

So, when you add up the total amount of airtime Wilkins had during the so called ‘Minute’ segments, not including Segment Three, and get the average…

A Wilkins Measurement of Time (or a Wilkins Minute) – 2 minutes and 34 seconds. 2:34

OR

A Wilkins Measurement of Time (or a Wilkins Minute) – 2 minutes and 47 seconds. 2:47

Why are there 2 answers? Because it’s like the Jeff Goldblum story – never 100% accurate.

So next time, when you have to step away but you know you’re going to go for longer than a minute, instead of saying “I’ll be back in a minute”, use the newly coined term – “I’ll be back in a Wilkins!


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Matt
Owner and Operator of Wireless Fodder. Lover of Australian pop culture, comedy, and obscurities. Works in Australian media, enjoys a beer or three. Happily married to an American.

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