Movies Review

Bad Movie Monday: Plan 9 From Outer Space

The best worst movie of all time.

Instead of doing the regular review story on Bad Movie Monday, allow my friend Criswell present to you, his favourite shit film.

Do you dare to view with your own eyes, the horror of the future? The Mysterious, the unexplainable? I am here to explain to you what happened, on that fateful day. I cannot be silent on this any longer… let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend – can your heart stand… the shocking facts… about Z-Grade film Director Ed Wood‘s ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’?!

cue thunder

We begin with test screen shots of former vampire actor Bela Lugosi, hovering over lumps of dirt, surrounded by styrofoam grave stones.

The seriousness.

The concentration.

The test shots.

The switching back and forth from evening to bright light with the Undertakers.

The depression kicking in when the camera cuts to the cock pit of a plane flying over the site. You may think it is a cardboard cutout of a cock pit, but don’t let the illusion fool you. All cock pits have boom microphones that hover over the top of the pilots when UFOs fly by, with their high beams on. The convincing steering wheels don’t look like backs of chairs at all. Neither do the UFOs hanging on fishing wire.

Stock footage of the Military attempting to shoot down the intruding UFO are NOT stock footage, but are as real as my story. Vampira as the zombie attacking the surprised Undertakers did happen. Yes, that’s right. There just happened to be a camera filming at the time.

Lugosi, leaves his home, whch is not the front of Tor Johnson‘s home, acting his damn hardest. He tells Wood “what’s the point of test shooting? I am the BEST actor!”. Sadly, the toll of his acting puts a strain on his heart, and dies outside the camera, before he can actually continue on with helping tell the story.

We then see the aftermath of Lugosi’s funeral. Mourners walk through the cemetary in the dark, then get attacked by the scary looking Vampira… who looks really evil. The police are called, and Tor Johnson, the Inspector is startled by the sight of Vampira.

Then, just as things can’t get worse, Lugosi comes back alive! No! It’s not Wood’s chiropractor dressed up and covering his face… it’s Lugosi himself… blaaah! Lugosi escapes and goes on a spooky rampage, attacking the neighbours across the road with his eerie cape.

More UFOs arrive, and the military lose their ways. The UFOs land in the cemetary, and we get to meet these add human-looking aliens from outer space. These intelligent species have the entire power over humans, doing their scientific research, turning dead people onto humans with their electrifying impulse rays.

They cannot be stopped!

The alien race send the puny, weak humans a message, degrading their way of life, insinuating how pathetic and stupid they are. Just as life is about to give in to the unidentified flying objects, the military end up breaking in to the head UFO, in which the humans get a scientific lecture about life, death and destruction from theintelligent race. Not even a simple handgun, which can instantly kill a human, is no match for the alien lifeform with their power and extreme wit.

Eventually, the military discover how to destroy the alien secret weapon after a prompt demonstration on how to use and operate it. Once destroyed, the alien boss is knocked unconscious, and the UFO scampers away… back off home to the death star mothership, while on fire.

The earth is saved…

But…

FOR HOW LONG??


This is Criswell – giving the rating of this movie:

/5

 


 

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Matt

Owner and Operator of Wireless Fodder.
Lover of Australian pop culture, comedy, and obscurities. Works in Australian media, enjoys a beer or three. Happily married to an American.

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